Friday, May 5, 2017

The Best & Worst Careers for Empaths.

“Being a sensitive empath is a beautiful thing as an artist.” ~ Alanis Morissette 

.Some jobs are more satisfying and less stressful for empaths than others.

As an empath myself, I know that to excel in and enjoy our work, we must make the most of our sensitivities. 
We must express our intuition, our thoughtfulness, our quietness, and our creativity rather than trying to be someone we’re not.

The Best Careers for Empaths.
In The Empath’s Survival Guide, I present the pros and cons of certain careers and working conditions for sensitive people. Traditionally, empaths do better in low-stress solo jobs or with smaller companies. They are usually happiest working part or full-time at home, away from the office frenzy, noise, politics, and nearby energy vampires. (They’re easier to deal with by email, text, or phone because they’re at a distance.) In such a job, you can plan your schedule with regular breaks to decompress.

Many of my empath patients prefer being self-employed to avoid the drain and overwhelm of coworkers, bosses, and packed schedules. Empaths tend to do better on their own time, rather than with the frequent team meetings that are required in large businesses (unless the team is unusually positive and cohesive).

If you’re employed by a business, it may be possible to arrange a part-time home office situation and do your work virtually, with ongoing access to the internet, emails, texts, and Skype. Increasingly, people don’t always have to be tied to their office to do their job well—a perk for empaths that allows them to have more choice in their work location. However, if you work at home or alone in an office, be careful not to become isolated or to push yourself too hard. Balance your alone time with “people time” among colleagues and friends.

How do these considerations translate into real world jobs? Empaths do well being self-employed business owners, writers, editors, healthcare professionals, artists, and other creative professions. Many actors and musicians, such as Claire Danes, Alanis Morissette, Scarlett Johansson, and Jim Carrey have admitted to being “highly sensitive.”

Other good jobs include: website and graphic designers, virtual assistants, accountants or lawyers with home offices, or independent electricians and plumbers who can set their own appointments. Being a real estate agent or roving business consultant can be fine too, as long as you establish good boundaries regarding when you can be reached and don’t over-schedule yourself. Landscape design, gardening, forest ranger work, or other employment that puts you in nature are wonderful for empaths, as are jobs preserving the earth and her ecosystems.

Many empaths also go into the helping professions because of their desire to serve others. As a psychiatrist, I get great satisfaction from helping my patients, as long as I can take care of my own energy and don’t absorb the stress from my patients. Similarly, many empaths become physicians, nurses, dentists, physical therapists, psychotherapists, social workers, teachers, yoga instructors, Chinese medical practitioners, massage therapists, clergy, hospice workers, life coaches, or volunteers or employees of non-profit organizations among other heart-felt jobs. Working with animals—animal rescue, dog grooming, as well as veterinary medicine—are gratifying choices too.

But to thrive, empaths in the helping professions must learn how to stop taking on the stress and symptoms of their patients and clients. They can do this by scheduling breaks between clients to meditate, setting clear limits and boundaries with people, and taking adequate time outside of work to relax and refuel. 

However, jobs such as being a police officer or firefighter, though often heroic, may be too stressful for an empath because of the high sensory stimulation and ongoing physical and emotional trauma inherent in these careers.

Empaths are valuable to all kinds of careers. However, you need to find the right work that supports your skills, temperament, and gifts. An empath’s attributes may not be as appreciated in places such as corporations, academia, professional sports, the military, or government. A better match may be the helping professions, the arts, and organizations with more humanistic awareness.

So, when you’re considering a job, use your intuition to sense if you are a good fit with their mission and shared goals, the people, the space, and the energy of the environment. Just because a job looks good on paper doesn’t mean it’s right for you. It has to feel right in your body and gut too.

Jobs to Avoid if you’re an Empath.

One of the best ways to take care of your energy is to choose work that enhances your unique empathic gifts and avoid draining jobs.

What jobs are best to avoid? Sales is high on that list. 
Not many empaths enjoy being salespeople, especially if they’re introverted. Dealing with the public takes too much out of them. One patient who worked in technical support said, “I was too sensitive to constantly deal with angry customers, even if they were right.” Also, empaths pick up people’s emotions and stress, which can make them sick. One man said, “Being a cashier at Walmart nearly gave me an anxiety attack. The crowds, the noise of people talking, loudspeakers, bright lights, and long hours were exhausting.” Whether it’s selling cars, diamond rings, or advertising, empaths don’t generally feel well having to “be on” all day.

Other stressful careers for empaths include public relations, politics, executives who manage large teams, and being a trial attorney. These high-intensity professions value extroversion, the ability to engage in small talk, and aggressiveness, rather than being thoughtful, soft-spoken, sensitive, and introspective.

The mainstream corporate world is problematic too. The “this is how it’s done” corporate mentality is difficult for empaths, including myself. This response has always frustrated me, since there’s nowhere to go with it, and it clearly doesn’t value an individual’s needs. Empaths are independent thinkers and question the status quo at work if it doesn’t feel right. They like to know the reasoning behind a decision, so they can make sense of it in their gut. Plus, regular team meetings and power hungry teammates are draining for empaths, who function better on their own.

Even if your job is not ideal—and you can’t leave—you can improvise to find solutions that make your situation more comfortable. When empaths are happy at work, they can flourish and make important contributions to their occupations.
**Adapted from The Empath’s Survival Guide: Life Strategies for Sensitive People by Judith Orloff, MD, which is a guidebook for empaths and all caring people who want to keep their hearts open in an often-insensitive world.
Author: Judith Orloff, MD
Editor: Yoli Ramazzina

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

29 Signs You Are Born To Be A Spiritual Healer

When I first started developing my gifts, it was because I was told by Spirit through another intuitive, a medium who happened to be my sister, that I had the gift to heal others and I was a healer. I was told that this was the familial, ancestral gift of shamanism that had been passed down to me.

It’s tough to say what would or could have happened if I had not received this information at the exact time that I did, but one thing is certain, the gift was already present and evident through many signals and clues existent in my life.

If you’re a healer, chances are there are signs, signals, and cues all around you. The key is knowing where to look.

You don’t need to know a medium or see an intuitive reader of any kind to know that you have a healing gift.

All you need to do is look at your own life.

I’ve compiled a list of 29 signs that you are a healer. Some may surprise you.

1. You feel extreme empathy, often feeling emotions and experiences as physical sensations of pain and hurt.

2. You’re often told it’s soothing to be around you.

3. Those around you rarely get sick.

4. You have now or have ever been diagnosed with anxiety or panic disorders.

5. You have now or have ever been diagnosed with any mood disorder.

6. You think of solutions for others to make their lives better.

7. You have a strong desire to help others, even at a loss of your own resources or needs.

8. You’re already in a traditional healing field – medical workers, massage therapists, chiropractors, guidance counselors, physical therapists, veterinarians or vet techs, and more.

9. You have a history of healers in your family. Your parents, siblings, grandparents, great-grandparents, etc. are or were engaged in healing based professions – medical, touch, spoken, or otherwise.

10. You frequently experience heightened awareness in public places – difficulty breathing or nervous butterflies.

11. You walk into a room and can immediately tell if there’s been a fight or a disagreement before you arrived.

12. You’re the person people turn to for comfort, problem solving, and kind words during difficult times. . . and you always help.

13. You find yourself feeling like problems of others are dumped on you for fixing.

14. You’re frequently drained at the end of the day, especially on days involving large amounts of social interacting.

15. You’ve noticed that you have special touch with animals.

16. Small children and animals are often drawn to you, 
even when they’re shy around others

17. Complete strangers spill their life stories to you without asking.

18. People ask you for back and shoulder rubs, or back scratches and you’re known for being good at them.

19. You like to ensure people feel comfortable when they’re visiting your home or space.

20. You often feel overwhelmed with the amount of things you’ve agreed to help others with.

21. You regularly experience shoulder and neck pain.

22. Your friends and coworkers often come to you for your trusted opinion on potential romantic prospects or new job hires.

23. Your preferred method of exercise is based in the outdoors – going on a walk, a jog, or doing yoga in nature while breathing fresh air is both stimulating and relaxing to you.

24. You have an interest in Spiritual based healing methods – energy healing, reiki, shamanism, or otherwise.

25. Your hands and palms often feel tingly – pins and needles, buzzing, throbbing, vibrating, or pulsating.

26. You’re attracted to crystals for their beauty and potential healing properties.

27. You seek natural based healing methods, as alternatives to westernized medicine.

28. You experience frequent headaches or digestive issues.

29. You’re reading this list right now.
Take some time to look through the list. How many are you able to check off?

What you do with this information is entirely your choice. You may choose to use it to pursue a healing based career, to develop your abilities to heal yourself and others, as a validation to know that what you’re experiencing is something special, or a combination of all of the above.

Source- You can find the original post here.

Saturday, April 15, 2017

Breaking Free: Why Breaking Up With A Narcissist Is Not Your Average Break Up

Breaking up hurts. Rejection on any level sucks, no matter how you slice it.

Most people recognize that relationships end for all sorts of reasons. Some are nasty, some are amicable and some are mutual. But they generally follow the same pattern – relationship ends, one or both parties grieve and then move on.

Getting over a relationship with a Narcissist is a much different kettle of fish. Depending upon the duration, the impact of such a union could have profound emotional, psychological, spiritual, physical and even financial effects on its victims.

Once a partner does manage to break free and gain the much needed emotional and physical distance, either by choice, necessity or abandonment, they are often left with some devastatingly painful questions like – Did he ever love me? Did I mean anything to him at all?

What one must always remember is that Narcissists do not love. They do not form normal, healthy, attachment bonds to anyone. To a Narcissist, their partners are objects, a source of supply, nothing more. And coming to terms with the fact, that you meant nothing, to someone who meant so much to you, is incredibly painful. Realizing that you were lied to, duped, conned and manipulated all along, is enough to send even a saint into a psychotic rage.
I think the hardest thing to get over is the deliberate mind fuck, the psychological warfare that the Narcissist uses to keep his victims emotionally invested in him.

Narcissists are generally angry, miserable people and they love to project their misery onto those closest to them. Once the honeymoon phase is over and their true colours emerge, their victims are saddled with trying to understand what’s happening in the relationship. Why are they pulling away? What did I do? Why is he treating me that way? Why are they ignoring me?

This kind of emotional torture is exasperated by the Narcissists hot and cold routine. The mixed signals of I love you one day and hate you the next, has women and men not only questioning their sanity, but their sense of self-worth as well. They are pathological liars and will lie about even the most insignificant things. If their partner catches them in a lie, they will often, either spin another set of lies or fly into a Narcissistic Rage and even put the blame on you, to keep you off balance.

They use a form of psychological intimidation, called Gas Lighting, where they present false information to their victims, which makes them doubt their own memory, perception and even sanity. They will often say something, then sometimes even in the same conversation state that they didn’t say that to perpetuate the confusion.

A Narcissist will take no responsibility for anything. He will criticize your appearance, abilities and your very existence. Everything has become your fault and you cannot ever please them despite your best efforts. The closer you try to get to them the further they pull away. Then once you start to pull away, they will turn up the heat and start their pursuit once again. This constant beat down erodes their victim’s self-esteem leaving them feeling completely confused, off balance and drained of all their emotional resources.

Everything is all about them, always and this consistent pandering to their every need and want, often pushes their targets into Co-dependent-like behaviour. Victims get so wrapped up in the relationship and trying to fix it, that they lose themselves in the process. They have stopped thinking about their needs, their goals and their own happiness. All of their energy is spent on trying to win back the one they fell in love with. What most fail to realize is that that person never existed. The Narcissist pulls the old bait and switch. The person you met in the beginning was an actor and the one they are with now, is the true individual behind the mask.

Many get caught up in seeking the emotional validation of –am I good enough – from someone who will never give it to them. This validation seeking can go on for a long, long time. There is nothing more soul destroying and degrading than jumping through hoop after hoop trying to prove your worth, to someone who will never see or acknowledge it.

Narcissists are akin to a psychological parasite. Once they get inside your head it’s almost impossible to get them out. They spend the early part of a relationship learning all about you, what makes you tick and what buttons to push, to best manipulate you later on. They pay keen attention to your vulnerabilities, your fears and what causes you the most hurt, as a means of control, for a Narcissist must always be in control. They will go to great lengths to isolate you from friends, family and other sources of support.

Once a relationship with a Narcissist ends, most victims are left with the enormous task of weaving through all the lies and the abuse and building themselves back up. Their sense of self-esteem and self-worth will have been virtually annihilated. They have to rediscover who they are.

Being free of such a monster should be considered a blessing, but what often happens, after prolonged exposure to this type of abuse, is that many will actually pine and grieve for the return of their tormentor. They have come to believe that love equals pain and that they are deserving of this type of treatment. They’ve placed the Narcissist so high up on a pedestal, that even crumbs of their affections and attention are better than nothing at all.

A Narcissist doesn’t like to throw away any sources of supply, so they will continue to play this game with you indefinitely. The more pain that the Narcissist can inflict upon their partner, the less respect they have for their victims and they devalue that source of supply. If a Narcissist does leave, it’s because they have found a new source, but they’ll often be back to throw you more crumbs and prolong your suffering.

The abrupt and heartless manner in which they leave their partners is bone chilling. When a Narcissist is in stage one, the over-evaluation phase, with his new target, they focus all their energy on securing that new source of supply. The fact that they have left you in emotional turmoil, a spiraling depression or perhaps even financial ruin, will have no impact on them. It’s all about them- it always was. These people are happiest when they have at least one or two individuals pining for them, who they can run to, at any time for sex, money or an ego stroke.

If at some point the victim decides to end the relationship, the Narcissist will experience what Freud calls a Narcissistic Injury. This is any slight, real or imagined, that threatens the Narcissist’s false belief, that they are special, superior and unique. The Narcissist may rage or grieve over your parting, but one must always remember, they are not grieving the loss of the person in their life, they are grieving the damage done to their ego, the lost source of supply, the efforts it took to secure that supply and the anxiety they will have to face to obtain more.

The grieving won’t last long though, since they do not take responsibility for anything, your leaving won’t resonate with them as, “I’ve done something to make them leave.” They will immediately start telling themselves – ‘They’re nuts, they thinks they can do better than me. I’m better off without them. They’re damaged anyway,’ as part of the devaluation process. And just like that you are discarded in the Narcissist’s mind, regardless of the amount of time, or the amount of suffering you may have endured.

When a normal relationship ends, both parties usually go their separate ways and move on. When you’re involved with a Narcissist the relationship ends abruptly, without notice, or it never ends. They like to keep a hold of you, they are control freaks and they will do that, by offering you the friend card. This friend card entitles them to unlimited supply of your attention, resources, affection, ego strokes, or sex, with no responsibility or commitment. It also stops you from being able to move on.

They almost always seem to have an innate sense of exactly when you might be getting over them and just like that, they waltz back into your life, as if nothing ever happened. The loving, caring person returns and you may be thinking, finally ________ (insert name), has realized my worth and things will be different this time. Don’t be fooled. The actor is back, just long enough to take control of you and your emotions again. If you engage for any reason, it won’t be long before the mask slips and the real McCoy is back to further torment you.

Once you have managed to get out – stay out. Stop all communication and burn every bridge behind you, thus souring the milk of your Narcissistic Supply. It’s better to covet a Narcissist’s indifference, than their toxic form of love.

Your involvement with a Narcissist has likely changed you in ways you could never have imagined. Make the decision to break free and stick with it, start to rebuild your shattered self image, regain your power and dignity and most importantly, learn the lesson that you were meant to learn from this encounter. But that’s another blog!!!!

Savannah Grey is a writer, a certified hypnotherapist and has degrees in both Journalism and Psychology.

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Do you keep on seeing 11:11? THIS is what it means!

11:11 Synchronicity – Are you seeing it too?

“11:11, make a wish!” It is a phrase we may have heard before, but just what is the significance behind it? What does 11:11 mean when we catch it on our phone or a digital clock?

Besides being a number that’s associated with dreams and wishes coming true, 11:11 is the only time of the day (using the 12-hour clock) that all four digits on the clock are the same. However, it seems that some people can catch this magical time more frequently than others.

According to Numerology, the number 11 is the link between the mortal and the immortal; which explains the idea that when the clock strikes 11:11, a window to heaven opens up to grant wishes. Others connect 11:11 to simply a gateway or a synchronistic portal of any symbolic type.

Is 11:11 a mere coincidence or is there something bigger happening here?

Using logic and science behind this phenomenon of people repeatedly seeing the same number, we end up with three reasons — chance, predisposition, and acceleration. Using illogic, we end up with another reason — synchronicity.

Chance just means you happened to see the number. You pull out your phone, and you see that the time is 12:12 or you have 22 percent power left, or you have exactly 3 hours and 33 minutes until your destination.

Predisposition means you are attracting particular numbers. Therefore, you see them more.

Acceleration means that, after seeing a number repeatedly and you start wondering about it, you’ll soon begin seeing that number more often.

Synchronicity indicates a powerful flow of connection between seemingly different people, places, things, and/or phenomenon that somehow surfaces as a number or number series.

Now that we have an understanding of these four factors, we can begin to go deeper into strange digital occurrences.

Numbers are all around us, on our receipts, at your favorite store, in the car, on your phone, social media and a ton of other things. Unless you have bad blood with a certain number, there’s a good chance that you’ll encounter every one, two, three or four digit number possible. Nevertheless, certain numbers stick out, such as 11:11 or 1:11 or 2:22 or something similar.

For whatever reason, you have a favorite number. You soon begin to see how that number plays out with other things in your life. Your favorite football player wears the number 81, and it is the first two digits of your student id or the last two digits of your cell phone number. You are now predisposed to recognize this number whenever you see it.

As you begin to see any particular number more and more, you soon start asking yourself if there’s something special about this number, I mean, why else would you see it so much. This is when the acceleration is triggered.

Our minds are always searching for answers to mysteries, and your subconscious will go into overdrive attempting to decipher this information.

The repeated appearance of 11:11 on your phone or digital clock could mean you are in the holy flow of synchronicity. Lots of great things are happening all simultaneously — like surfing a great series of moments of life. Remember, our digital system of time keeping and of counting time itself, is linear. It does not allow for the non-linear, irrational element of life to come in. However, numbers like 11:11, 4:44, 12:34, or 1:23 do allow the recognition of hidden connections between seemingly different aspects of life that if listened to may guide us to even greater synchronicity or even hyper-synchronicity — an essential part of the magic of life.

“Synchronicity is an ever present reality for those who have eyes to see.” — Carl Jung, psychiatrist, psychologist, author (1875 – 1961)

Let us know in the comments whether you believe that numbers hold power.


Monday, April 10, 2017

3 Reasons Why It’s IMPOSSIBLE To Win With A Narcissist

Apart from him or her making your life a living hell, a narcissist will find a way to drain you of your precious time, your healthy emotional and mental state, and your self-esteem.

At any given point in our life, we may cross paths with a person who thinks the world revolves around them. They constantly exhibit manipulative and arrogant behaviour, they are self absorbed and egotistical and will trample on your achievements so the spotlight shines only on them.

They have an overpowering sense of entitlement. Apart from him or her making your life a living hell, a narcissist will find a way to drain you of your precious time, your healthy emotional and mental state, and your self esteem.

Learning to live with one of these types of people means learning to accept defeat. Why is that? Well it’s because regardless of how hard you try, or how much you truly believe things can change, you simply can not win. A relationship with a narcissist only benefits them, and leaves the other party asking themselves if they were crazy, if they were the problem, or what they did wrong.


When it comes to dealing with such a selfish person, we often find that letting them have their way seems like the easier route. Example: you kindly ask said person to meet you at a certain place at a certain time and they show up at the time that best suits them without even a hint of an apology. It’s easier just to move on when it comes to resolving the issue.

If it were the other way around, you would be the one endlessly apologizing. If you are not the type to deal with that kind of blatant hypocrisy, then you wouldn’t be in this predicament.

Narcissists will never appreciate your endeavors to keep them happy. No matter how much love you show them, or the favours you do for them that are never returned, your efforts are forever lost on them.

Narcissists will rope in those that they can demand perfection from. If you’ve ever been close to one you’ve probably felt the need to be a perfectionist since the bar is set unrealistically high.

As Pavel G. Somov, Ph.D Writes “In sum, they are intolerant of imperfection as they feel it reflects unfavorably on them. If they are perfect and everything around them is perfect, then others will respond to them as perfect, and then, and only then, will they buy into the perfect reflection in the social mirror and finally feel good about themselves, if only for a brief moment.”

Overly critical analysis of everything you do, and passing of judgement, are two of the most effective weapons in the arsenal of a narcissist. Burying your self image further inflates their ego because it brings you down. Their influence leads you to doing things and buying stuff based off what they regard as good.

This is how people that are influenced by narcissistic behaviour lose their sense of individuality. Do things that you want to do; not because they told you to do it, but because you have your own individual desires.

If you want to set yourself up for a healthy relationship, then boundaries are needed. It’s the only way to make sure that your needs are met, as well as the other party’s. And don’t get me wrong, I understand the “live and let live” mentality and practice it most of the time. But sometimes, just sometimes, it is necessary to guard yourself against those types who prey on others and intentionally seek out victims.


Saturday, April 8, 2017


Everyone has the potential to impact people in the world in any method they desire. There is no doubt that each of us have a unique characteristic which has been nurtured significantly more than others.

Whether this has been done on deliberately or subconsciously, it is very important that we are able to diagnose our strong mark and attend to our flaws.

Healers are always present in every culture and they are never really looked for until some circumstance forces us to find them. Because of this lack of focus, most healers are in a status of non recognition. However you want to look at it, we need healers now more than ever.  If you are looking for a healer in your-self, below is a list of characters very natural with healers. Examine them on your own and see if you have these hidden healing powers.

Signs That You Have Healing Powers:

01. People say how calming it is to be around you.

02. People who are physically close to you rarely get sick.

03. You are always contemplating of how to improve other people’s lives.

04. You could be diagnosed with anxiety, panic or mood disorders.

05. You are very much empathic.

06. You family has a history of healers.

07. When you are in public places you feel butterflies in your stomach.

08. Animals are happy to see you.You have a very deep connection with animals.

09. Most Strangers tell you their life story.

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11. Even though you had no training for it. You are great at massages!

12. You usually have neck and shoulder pains.

13. You love being outdoor, staying indoor make you anxious.

14. You are attracted to crystals and their Meta physics properties.

15. You are interested in spiritual sciences like energy healing, shamanism, acupuncture, and others.

15. Because you have high level of awareness, you are sensitive when it comes to certain foods and drinks.

16. Sometimes you get random chills, warmth radiating from your core, or your palms tingle.

The core components of a healer are high sensitivity on many wave extent, their ability to evident energy; they are highly emphatic and have a aspiration to help other people. There isn’t any theory or agreed path for you to take to develop these feelings. You will need to determine where you are in your life. Thankfully it doesn’t take much to get the wheel spinning in terms of healing. Everything in the universe wants to be healthy and happy; we just need to remind our self more often.

This post was republished from You can find the original post here.

Wednesday, April 5, 2017

11 things that happen when you date a narcissistic, pathological liar

"He's just one of those people you meet and you just look at him and think 'I can tell you are such a good guy'... in fact, he is just so sweet and innocent looking, I think he might even be a virgin!"

That's a direct quote I told my best friends after meeting the narcissistic, pathological liar who ended up wreaking havoc on my life. If you have ever been close to one, you know the darkest side of hell and I am sure you wouldn't wish it on anyone. I know I wouldn't. 

But how can it be? How can this seemingly sweet and innocent person turn out to be such a monster? What is it like to date a narcissistic, pathological liar? It can't really be that bad, can it? 

For those of you who have been on the crazy train with one of these people, you are not alone! Those of you who have never seen this side of hell, here is a tiny glimpse into what it's like:  

1.) You think more highly of them than you ought.
He said he was a sponsored skateboarder, he toured the world as a drum tech for a famous band, he owns a home in Huntington Beach, boats in Alaska and has a million dollar inheritance that was given to him. He is a master mechanic and can fix anything on your car. He has a private and commercial pilot's license and is going to fly you to New York where you've always wanted to go. His shoes he's wearing are one of a kind sent from his professional skateboarding friend, he loves to give mass amounts of money to the homeless and to charity. Every time he goes in public he is given things for free or at a discount because of how good looking he is... and on it goes.

2.) They always seem to have horrible luck.
And at first you might believe it. Or if you're extra slow like me, you believe it all the way until months after the break up! He is always injured or ill. There is always a freak accident at work resulting in stitches or surgery. His temperature frequently gets above 103 and he's miserable in bed. At least 8 of his very best friends have died. His ex has broken his nose... 4 TIMES! Through tears he sobs and tells you how she had an abortion with his child and how he's so torn up about it. Oh and she cheated on him! After treating you like garbage and cussing you out and locking you out of the house, he always comes back with one of these sob stories to explain why he got so upset.

Only later when you befriend the ex looking for someone who understands the hell you've been through do you find out there never was a broken nose, an abortion or cheating. Only when you see on his amazon account do you realize he himself ordered the said "one of a kind shoes." Only as time passes do you learn he doesn't have an inheritance, he isn't a pilot, he never toured the world as a drum tech, and on it goes. Stories for literal days. 

3.) Those who haven't been as intimate with this person as you, will never believe you. 
You just walked through the most hellish ordeal of your life and no one cares to hear your side of the story. Why? Because... 

4.) He is a master manipulator! 
The same way he fooled you, he fools them. If it took you to the end of a relationship to FINALLY understand this and you knew him more intimately than anyone, how do you expect anyone else to see through his bull? They won't. **Cue hunting down of his other ex's on fb.** They are the only ones who know the hell that has been your life. 

5.) It's SO much worse if they are attractive. 
What female won't fall for his sob story about how his ex was so abusive and cruel when his face looks like it was hand crafted by angels? His last ex fell for it... then you fell for it... so of course the next will too. 

6.) Remember, the new girlfriend / boyfriend is a future friend.
Soon she too will see the truth and will probably find you on Facebook, desperate for someone to understand her after being isolated for so long - just like you did with the last ex. Before you know it, you'll have a little support group. It will be fun! 

7.) They are going to ruin your reputation. 
He's so broken and insecure he has to make himself look good at all times. Hence him always being a victim or a hero. Good people aren't allowed in the story besides him. Soooo that means your good heart is a problem. He's going to take advantage of it and reap the benefits of having someone so loving like you by his side. But he's going to tell everyone else your heart is black and cold. Your love is a nice benefit. But there's no room for it in the fantasy world he lives where he is always the victim. 

8.) No one stands up to them. 
He comes across as so sweet and innocent you really believe it's true. But then when you run into an issue with him and he is unreasonable and bullies you, you think "well, he is such a good guy... no one else seems to have a problem with him... maybe I'm the problem. Maybe I shouldn't take it so personally..." so no one says anything or ever confronts him. 

9.) You never know where you stand. 
The countless dating sites you caught him on are all "old" from before he met you and "you're crazy to think otherwise." The girl you found out he's been hanging out with behind your back is just his friends cousin and that's why she's there sometimes when he goes to see his friend. But you are all he ever wanted in a girlfriend. Through heart wrenching tears he professes his undying love to you when he knows you're getting ready to walk out. He says he will work on himself, go to counseling, start treating you better... until he doesn't. You didn't compliment his looks today so he explodes on you and breaks the custom picture frame of you and your daughter from your first Mother's Day. It's a constant roller coaster of crazy. You think "this time, he crossed the line. I am really leaving." But then he comes back with another heartfelt apology and sucks you in again.

10.) Their reputation is so much more important to them than their character. 
He may steal your iPod and sell it for money because finances are so tight and then he'll lie to you about it and tell you it was probably his step sister; but the same month he will lend a few hundred dollars to his friends who can't pay rent. He will boast about how he gives homeless people a hundred dollars here and there but when your fridge is empty and you're saving the last drop of milk and the last few crumbs of cereal for the kids to have breakfast tomorrow, don't expect him to offer to help get groceries. He'll drop everything to help a stranger or a friend in need and give excessively at the expense of his own family. He does this because he needs to keep up the act. He needs people to believe he is this incredible saint of a man. And in case you ever get the courage to get away from him and you speak out on the abuse you've suffered at his hands, this helps automatically discredit your story because to everyone else, he is Jesus in human form. 

11.) You will be okay. 
It will take time. At first you'll sob and miss him. Then you'll be angry for the hell he put you through. You'll hate yourself wondering why you were so dumb you stuck around. You'll feel isolated when people you try to talk to about it side with him or downplay how bad the abuse was. Then you'll miss him. Then you'll decide to start taking care of yourself and move on. Then you'll miss him. Then, as time goes on, you'll get a little bit more clarity as to how broken of a person he really is. You'll have peace knowing you are a good person and you gave him more love than most could. You gave your entire soul to the relationship with nothing in return. You might go back and forth. You'll likely have good days and bad days. But as time passes, the bad days will get less and less. You'll eventually start smiling again. And the best part of it all, now you know the warning signs and you know you deserve to be treated so much better and hopefully you'll never settle again!