IT’S a single man’s dream — having unfettered, free access to a real-life ‘Hitch’ — the suave dating coach played by Will Smith in the 2005 film.
And that’s exactly what Reddit users got in this AMA (Ask Me Anything) with Chris Shepherd, founder of one of the world’s largest dating coach companies for men,Love Systems.
“I teach men how to improve their dating lives, all over the world, and I love my job. I have helped thousands of guys improve their lives in a meaningful way,” he wrote.
Hundreds of would-be romantics wrote in with their questions. We’ve trawled through the thread and picked out Shepherd’s five best pieces of dating advice.
1. Confidence is key.
“I think that confidence is actually the number one thing that a guy can control that will influence his success with women.
“The reason why confidence is so important is because I believe that attraction (in women, at least) is the feeling of being desired by a powerful man, who makes her feel safe. And so you have three elements that need to come together: power, desire and safety. And the key to power is confidence.
“The real secret to confidence is getting rid of all the mental baggage that is holding you back — in other words, confidence is our natural state of mind that we find when we get rid of doubts, anxiety and irrational beliefs.”
2. Don’t say outrageous things to get women to notice you.
“I’m not a fan of the ‘saying outrageous things to get attention from women’ school of dating. I’ve said things like ‘You are really cute, what’s your name?’, but being daring for the sake of being daring is pretty silly. I know some guys think it makes good YouTube videos, but it’s not good game.”
3. Know when to walk away.
“There are plenty of times you should walk away:
— When she’s clearly not into you
— When she’s negative or not fun in general.
— When you want to go do something else, but you’ll come back later.
— When it’s just going no where.
You shouldn’t walk away just because YOU feel awkward though. Improving your social skills means pushing through your own feelings of awkwardness as much as possible.”
4. Schedule fun group social events, particularly if you’re a student
“Build a social circle. Specifically, build your social circle around some sort of regular event that happens in a place and time. So for example, you might have a pub night every other Wednesday that a certain student group is running. If you can make that a cool event, invite everyone you know to it, and you’ll have this pre-made ‘Hey you should come do this’ thing that you can throw out casually to women you’re interested in. It can really help things when you’re in a big campus where everyone has erratic schedules.”
5. Stop reading dating advice and get out there.
“We’re all about going out and learning, and not reading too much. Many guys though are 100% the opposite way. Reading about improving your dating life is like reading about fitness, it serves a purpose, but it doesn’t really get you where you want to go.”
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