Because I never lied to you. I never told you I was someone else, I never evaded your questions, I never said anything I didn’t mean. I was always honest with you about everything and you never had to worry about me being deceitful because you actually trusted me.
Because I never misled you. I never told you I was ready when I wasn’t, I never promised you something I didn’t fulfill. I never talked about a future I didn’t see, and I never played with your heart or your mind. You knew that my words will be followed by actions and you knew that I always kept my word with you.
Because I was there for you. For the late night calls, for the big work events, for the family drama, for the boring days and the lonely nights. I was there for the hard conversations and for the silence. I was always there whenever you needed me and you didn’t have to even ask for it.
Because I made you laugh. When you were tired or moody, I would make you laugh. I would make you laugh with me and at me, and I laughed with you. Even if I was sad, I would still make you laugh.
Because I understood you. I understood your murky eyes, your forged smile, the way your body moves when you’re agitated and the way it moves when you’re relaxed. I understood the calm before the storm, I understood your need for space. I understood you and I didn’t need explanations.
Because I was your sweet escape. I was your sweet distraction from your gloomy world. I was the cute text in the middle of a busy work day. I was the reassuring morning call before a big presentation, I was the chill nights, I was the unwinding in bed doing nothing days, I was the smile you needed to keep your sanity.
Because I forgave you. I forgave your negligence, your selfishness, your isolation, your harsh words and the times you failed to understand me. I forgave you for the things you weren’t sorry for and I forgave you for all the things you could’ve done but chose not to. I truly forgave you.
Because I accepted you. For who you really were, for the person you were behind the mask that everyone seemed to buy. I accepted your darkness, your flaws, your weaknesses and your insecurities. I accepted you wholeheartedly; even when you were unacceptable, I accepted you.
Because I moved on. I am no longer yours, you can’t reach me anymore, you can’t call me in the middle of the night, you can’t take me to dinner, you can’t talk to me when you have a problem, and you can’t depend on me to fix you anymore. You miss me because you know I will find someone better.
Because she is not the same. She doesn’t get your subtle hints or your mystery. She doesn’t get your sense of humor or your sarcasm. She doesn’t push you to talk about what’s really bothering you and she doesn’t know how to comfort you. She doesn’t know how to make you smile and she doesn’t know how to love you. You miss me because you finally realized how much I loved you and it’s hitting you now that maybe no one will ever love you the way I did.
by Rania Naim
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