Narcissistic men and women cannot sustain authentic relationships in marriages or as parents. They act out, having multiple affairs, mistresses, girlfriends, boyfriends, secretly on the side. They have no shame about their reprehensible, destructive behaviors. If they have power in the world and are venerated publicly as high level executives, part of the entertainment and social elite, they get away with it. These days, living in a narcissistic society, most people shrug about these matters. If someone is “very important” it doesn’t matter what they do in their personal lives and some believe that they are above reproach because of their extraordinary success.
The narcissistic man or woman has a severe personality disorder that is not going to change. There is no motivation to become different since the narcissist believes that he is perfect and every one else falls short. If the narcissist has a loyal professional and social following, a source of constant narcissistic supply, excuses will always be made for him/her despite the abominable behavior toward spouse and children.
After causing horrific trauma to a wife or husband and children who have been abandoned, he moves on to re-invent himself and re-burnish his image. For the narcissist, there are no genuine relationships. One person is replaceable with another—one wife with another, one child or two children with others. Some narcissists go on to produce children with two three or even four other partners. It doesn’t matter as long as he is getting the adulation, praise, adoration that he needs and maintaining the power and money that he holds on to and that defines him/her as a person.
Study the narcissistic personality in-depth so you don’t get caught up in a partnership or marriage to one of these individuals. I hear many stories of those who have had children with narcissists and have gone through painful ongoing experiences, worked through divorces that were very stressful and complex. I give those who have weathered these storms great credit for their forbearance.
Remember to take good care of yourself. You are authentic. Seek those who are like you—authentic and compassionate.
Written by Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D. Narcissistic Personality Clinical
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